I don’t know if I am becoming more sensitive as the years have passed or if things really changed, but this year, Thanksgiving (the American version) just seemed way over the top. I’m not talking about the turkey or the stuffing or any other part of the dinner or family event. I mean what came after it. Black Friday. I’m don’t think I heard even a third as much about the holiday as I did about the shopping. That seems such a shame. I mean, I get it, great deals, blah, blah, blah. Being so connected to social media, the view via Twitter and Facebook presented Black Friday as the real occasion, Thanksgiving just something to get through in the meantime. I couldn’t believe it when I read reports of what time people started lining up for the great deals and chuckled to myself as I wondered how long until they start actually skipping Thanksgiving dinner to wait outside the store of their choosing instead. It’s a little striking to hear from a nation so concerned and insistent on talking about the economy all the time. Of course, you can’t blame people for wanting to save money and to each their own. It’s simply an observation I’ve made. And I know that no matter where my travels take me, I will likely never participate in the Black Friday festivities. I don’t have the patience. But thanks for allowing me the vicarious experience, friends. I think that’ll be enough for this lifetime. And, hey, at least nobody died this year. (That I know of, anyway…)
Next week. It’s always next week…
Gratitude’s been good to me lately. I’m learning it. As mentioned in my last post, I’m satisfied with that. It makes me feel good.
The thing that’s got me down, the one that’s MIA, and not even returning my (many) calls is motivation. There are so many things that I want to do differently in my life at this point, but I just can’t get it together. The ideas are there, but, dude, I can not bring myself to make them happen. It’s sick. Every Friday, I think “next week.” That is, until the next weekend when I think the same thing all over again. “Beginning Monday…”
Poor Monday. Not only is it saddled with being the opening to another hectic week in the office, but it’s also expected to put its foot down and make all the hard work happen. On top of that, it’s got Friday mocking it with its hands full to dripping of sleeping in and couch sitting and bad food eating and wine drinking. Running, eating well, getting better organized, cleaning the apartment… the list goes on. Forever, it seems. Come Monday, the sloth party that Friday threw has erased all the resolutions and the effort of returning to work has sucked the goals right out of me.
Occasionally, motivation stops in to say hi, but we’re just not the friends we used to be. Back in the day, (see summer/fall 2007 through winter 2008) we were tight. I’m not sure what’s happened since then.
Motivation, did I do something to upset you? Did I hurt your feelings? You know that I’ve been busy, right? That doesn’t mean that I don’t love you or cherish the relationship we have. I’ve just been trying to juggle everything else as well. Motivation, if you’re reading this, can’t we just go back to the way we were? I will never neglect you again. Pinky swear.
The attitude of gratitude
For my American friends, for whom I am thankful, each and every one, today is a big one. Thanksgiving. There’s turkey. There’s family. There’s football. (What a relief! When I started on this draft yesterday, I conveniently reminded myself to make my picks more than 17 minutes before, or in last week’s case, after, the deadline. Now, that’s a blessing.)
With the exception of the treat of an extra two midweek NFL games, the date goes mostly unnoticed by my people here in Canada. Personally, I dig the fact that we have Thanksgiving on the second Monday in October. (Here’s why.) That way, we get it out of the way and can focus on Christmas far earlier than our southern counterparts. Perhaps, that has some bearing on why we don’t have the great Hallowe’en devoted superstores that they do, because Thanksgiving gets in the way. Give and take, I suppose.
Gratitude’s been on my mind all week. I’m bound and determined in every moment to not only recognize that for which I am thankful, but also to always find the blessing in every event. I’m kind of getting really good at it. For example, I woke up very early yesterday morning. I tried to get back to sleep for a little while, tossing and trying my best not to disturb the LB, but eventually, curiousity got the best of me and I looked at the time on my iPhone. It was 4:27. I already couldn’t sleep, but you know what it’s like… as soon as I knew what time it was, I calculated exactly how many minutes until my alarm was going to go off. 43. About two of those passed before I accepted the fact that I wasn’t going to sleep again before I went to work. I decided then to put the kettle on and thought I’d do so and just get back into my warm bed. I crept out of the bedroom, closing the door behind me. I made a cup of tea and then thought it would be great to run a bath. I even had time to read in there! I got dressed, packed my work gear and lunch and still had time to check my email, watch the news and I even started on the Sudoko in the paper! That was when it dawned on me. As much as I’d grumbled to myself about getting out of bed so early, how could I be upset about not sleeping as long as I could when I’d just had a weekend-like opportunity to wake up in a very comfortable manner? It was fantastic. And it sure felt better to not be upset about it. That was a small personal victory.
I’ve recently started watching the thx thx thx website and I just adore the sentiments expressed there. As Leah explains “My mother always told me to write thank you notes. So I do.” Thank yous are dished out to rice and to cigarette rolling paper, to Facebook and to understanding. I think that finding something to be thankful for every day is a fantastic exercise and one that I am thinking about implementing in my life. I figure that if I recognize one random thing that I am thankful for, then boy, will it be easy to remember how lucky a little girl I am.
Happy Thanksgiving, America!!
Why stop trying?
At first, I thought of titling this first (again) post “If at first you don’t succeed…” However, even as I contemplated that, it didn’t seem right. I feel too much like my old blog was successful, by my standards, at least. I made friends, I enjoyed writing, hell, it was even published in a university textbook! I had a platform for expressing my thoughts and opinions and I’ve realized lately that I have really missed that constant outlet for my (somewhat reluctant) creativity. Amid this current cycle of blogging inspiration, it’s been tough for me to remember the reasons why I quit. So, this afternoon, I decided to go back in the archives, to revisit the site where I’ve imported all the words that I poured out for all the world to see ( the damn images didn’t show) and, in a flash, I was taken right back.
It adds up
August 25, 2007 by queeniecarly
- Unsolicited advice about personal matters in my life
- Certain readers that I’m not entirely comfortable sharing everything with
- A life that sometimes no longer feels like I own it
- An identity that I’ve just kind of outgrown
I’m fed up with a lot of things. Tired enough to call it a day. I actually had a conversation today that required me to say to my mom “So, if I wear a short skirt that entitles anyone who wants to fuck me?” after she lectured me for the millionth time that I offer too much information on my blog. Her point was that reading it makes people feel like they can weigh in whenever and on whatever they want. Maybe she’s onto something.
So I’m going underground. If you’re meant to find me, I’m convinced you will. Regardless, keep in touch, would ya?
I learned a few lessons from that experience, but I can’t really say I’m cured of the desire (need?) to spew forth some of my most private and dear experiences/emotions/ideas. I’ve just been tamed by the limitations of my blog’s less fulfilling subsitute, Facebook, over the last two years and change.
I’ll say it to you now, dear (and rightfully, skeptical) readers, that I am back. For how long, I can’t make any promises.
